Or in other words, how to avoid saying “that’s too expensive/too much” as much as this community has a tendency to. By now anyone who’s been in this fashion for more than a minute should know why the garments cost what they do and how fast fashion is not a reflection of the true cost of making an item. Continuing to talk about lolita in terms of “this costs too much” can be harmful to the small independent creators who keep our fashion going. So here are some of my suggestions on reframing the conversation and adjusting out language to be less harmful overall. Note: all of these are in the context of buying brand new items, not second hand ones, unless explicitly stated.
Say “It’s outside of my budget now” instead of “I can’t afford that”.
While the word “afford” is neutral, somehow when saying “I can’t afford that”, especially in the tone that people usually use, implies that the creator is overcharging or deliberately pricing their products outside of someone’s range. It is important to keep in mind that lolita fashion is a luxury, not a necessity, so the items are not inherently meant to be within your average person’s monthly fun budget. Some deal of saving up, balancing and compromises has always been a part of this fashion. By saying that an item is not within our budget right now, we’re shifting the focus away from the creator and bringing it to our own circumstances. It says that at this time, given everything that may be happening in our lives, this is not a purchase that we ourselves can justify, without putting any blame on the maker for how they have priced it.
Focus on why the piece is not to your taste instead of saying “I wouldn’t pay that much for this”.
Hopefully as we all expand our understanding of the costs of creating fashion and accessories, this is one that we will see less and less of. But it still happens: an item pops up and everything is fine with it until seeing the price. “It costs how much?! I wouldn’t pay that for this!”, exclaim some people, disappointed after expecting to see a lower price tag. It should be obvious why this is insulting to someone’s work, it literally accuses the makers of overpricing and trying to profit off things that people deem to be worth less than that. This is the point where we should stop before we say anything and examine why we wouldn’t pay the asking price for this particular piece. Does it look like it uses lower quality materials such as cheaper lace or hot glue instead of thread? Then ignore the item and don’t say anything, unless you are explicitly asked for an opinion, in which case explain that the quality of materials or finishing doesn’t reflect the price. Is this something very similar to another piece you’ve seen before which costs less? Ask yourself why that other one was less and this one is more. The comparison may be fair if a company that produces higher quantities charges more than a small atelier making things by hand, but not the other way around. Or is it simply that the focus is on you, that *you* wouldn’t pay this because you don’t like the piece that much? Then simply say “I prefer X” or “This isn’t to my taste”.
Say “I have seen similar things for less” instead of “this isn’t worth this much”.
This one does apply to the second hand market, probably much better than to new creations, particularly these days. The rules of the second hand market are slightly different, taking into account the condition of individual pieces and the associated costs of the seller (different for a person on Lacemarket than the teams at Closet Child). So if you are talking about a second hand piece that’s priced unusually high, check first whether there are good reasons for this, e.g. the listing being for a full set, the item being brand new with tags, rarity of the design etc. If there are none and you really have to say something, limit yourself to observing that you have seen similar listings elsewhere for a lower price. Especially if this isn’t you buying the piece for now as your budget and priorities will differ from other people’s.
On the other hand, when talking about new pieces, examine who makes this, how did they make this and what other costs they may need to cover. Especially when talking about handmade pieces by independent creators, be careful of jumping to conclusions too quickly. Not only time is a valuable commodity and people have the right to be compensated for the time it took them to make something, but they have the right to sell their work at a profit. This one goes back to the first point about things being outside of individual budgets at a time - so going out of your way to say that an item isn’t worth the asking price is simply rude.
Don’t say “I could make that myself”. Just don’t.
If your immediate response to seeing a piece is to say that you could make it, then you’re instantly ignoring the work that someone has put into it. And the truth is that most people who say that won’t actually make the piece themselves, they just use it as code speak to suggest that the item looks easy/cheap to make and the seller is overcharging. You can by all means look at something, reverse engineer it, then make something yourself - provided that you do make it yourself then. The process of doing so will probably tell you that the seller was right about their pricing once you factor in the cost of materials and time. But if you’re just looking for a quick moan, it’s best to save trash talk like this. Because if you can’t put your money where your mouth is and prove that you could, then literally all you’re doing is knocking the wind out of someone else. Particularly as everyone’s skills are different, so to others this could be a thing that they wouldn’t know how to make and wouldn’t be able to make themselves, even if it may be obvious to you.
As Thumper said, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.
In the context of commenting on the prices of lolita fashion, this boils down to the fact that an item’s price is only ever your problem - not the creator’s and not any other buyer’s. Knowledge of business practices may inform us of the general costs associated with the making of things, but we have no way of knowing the actual costs incurred by the maker/seller without seeing their books. Instead of putting the onus on the seller for how they price, frame any comments you make around you (for once it’s ok to do so). Because what’s stopping you is not the price tag that someone put on the item, but either your circumstances (other expenses incurred, another recent purchase you made, only having started your budget recently, living in a country where this item would incur high import tax or customs etc.) or your taste and needs (preferring one fabric over another, not liking the colours or trims as much once the price stopped you from impulse buying, knowing that you already have several similar things and probably don’t need another one etc.). So if nobody asks you directly and you have nothing positive to say - just move on and say nothing at all.
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